Unexpected swings in the relationship can create distress and drama– whether you have a business partner, friend, coaching relationship, or intimate partner. As anyone who’s had a relationship end abruptly knows, the feedback from those swings can disrupt your life and drain you emotionally and energetically.
If either of you are having a bad day, say just the wrong thing at the right time, or lose your temper…you can end up dissolving something sweet before you have time to reconsider. It can be harder to put things back together once they’re pulled apart.
Reid Mihalko from Reidaboutsex.com has a solution that can take the boomerang out of those moments and add stability to your relationships.He recommends discussing your exit strategy with your partner and agreeing on some safeguards to eliminate rash or emotional decisions.
If you have a relationship that you value, sit down with the person while things are going well and create an agreement on how you would handle your worst case scenario. What would you like to see happen, from a calm rational place, before you end the relationship?
(For Law of Attraction buffs- talking about this is NOT going to make it happen! There is probably a subconscious fear buzzing around in your head anyway. Bringing it out in the open and discussing it can ease the underground fears and give you more confidence going forward!)
Example 1: You and your lover of several years decide that if anything big enough to break up over occurs, you will spend at least 24-hours “cooling off”, then at least 3 days together talking and working through issues before you make the final decision to part ways.
This lets both of you to feel free to express yourself openly in your relationship, without fearing any disagreement may be the end. And those four day’s buffer give you time to calm down and then process and clarify issues that may have seemed much bigger in the moment.
Example 2: You have a great relationship with a business coach. You are in the middle of a big project that you feel insecure doing on your own.
For various reasons (your coach is taking on a lot of projects, you’ve had support disappear before, you’re feeling scared about moving forward and you’ve run away in the past), you’re feeling uncertain.
You negotiate an agreement that states if either of you wanted to end the coaching relationship you would have a weeks “cooling off” time and another session before either of you made a final decision. This gives you more confidence to move ahead creating your dreams without spending so much energy worrying.
Example 3: You and your business partner have worked together for years happily. You generally agree on where to flow the business, and the occasional disagreements often blow up, at least temporarily.
You update your “separation plan” detailing how the business would split if you parted ways (Always a good idea anyway!), and agree that before you pull the trigger and end things, you would wait 2 days, spend the third day together in person talking, and if that didn’t resolve the problem, get a coach to mediate.
Having a third party help you share cleanly and openly can sometimes clear things up surprisingly easily. And it might be a good idea to get some coaching together on how to handle disagreements more smoothly before things get bad.
When we have a relationship we value, most of us will be wondering if or how it will end. Our primitive brain fears the unexpected and will scramble around for possibilities, even if we’re not always conscious of them. Discussing and agreeing on the exit strategy is smart — like knowing where the emergency exits are in case of fire.
An exit agreement can clear a lot of bandwidth we can use for other fun activities, and let us enjoy the moment in the relationship now!
About Cathy Vartuli is an Emotional Freedom and Relationship Coach. Want to learn new, practical, effective ways to improve your relationships? Check out Visit The Intimacy Dojo today!