Does it seem like you just can’t get on the same wavelength emotionally, or that no matter what you do or say your wife still isn’t satisfied with your marriage?
If so, then this article was written for you.
As you continue reading we’re going to bust one of the most common myths that you will hear regarding how to get your wife back. Can you guess what it is? The title pretty much says it all…
Open Communication is Not a Magic Marriage Solution
The first thing most husbands hear when they try to talk to a friend or counselor about their problems is that they need to improve communication within the marriage. Does this sound familiar to you?
Have you heard that better communication will help fix the current problems in your marriage?
If so, you have been lied to.
This extremely common piece of advice sounds like it should work, but in practice it doesn’t do a whole lot other than ratchet up the aggravation you’re probably feeling every time you fail to engage your wife. Really think about it…I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard of seldom few women and even fewer marriages that have been repaired or even affected thanks to better communication.
Plus, open communication isn’t that hard… I mean come on, you just say what’s on your mind. If that’s all that it took to fix a marriage, do you honestly believe that we would have a ~50% divorce rate in America today? Do you think that 50% of husbands are too dumb to say exactly what’s on their mind to their wives?
I think not.
Heck, if anything we men need to be a little more careful about what we say.
I mean seriously…How many times have you said exactly what you thought and then realized it might come off douche-y? And common marital advice says you need MORE of that?!
Why Doesn’t Open Communication Work to Save Marriage Relationships?
Honestly, I would be willing to bet a large sum of money that it was a woman who originally came up with this idea. It seems like a classic example of a “by women, for women” piece of advice.
See, better communication certainly sounds like a solid, logical piece of marriage advice… It sounds like it should work. After all, every single one of the healthy marriages that I know of also has very healthy communication between the two spouses.
Therefore, shouldn’t practicing better communication also make your marriage better?
Well, in a perfect world, maybe. However, let me explain why this doesn’t work by giving you an analogy:
Maintaining Your Marriage is Like Maintaining Your Car…
If you take really good care of your car – regular oil changes, tire rotations, inspections, the whole shebang – then you will rarely be surprised by an out-of-nowhere problem like engine failure or a busted transmission. You’ll almost always know when you might face problems, and you’ll know how to handle them. The most expensive maintenance you will ever have to pay for is an oil change, otherwise your well-taken-care-of car will generally stay in good condition. Rarely will any problems arise because you’ve been a good owner and had the car regularly maintained.
Okay? Following me so far? Take good care of your car and it will run more smoothly for a lot longer.
We all agree, yes?
But, let’s look at the other side…
If you take bad care of your car – only ever taking it in once it actually stops working or making funny noises – then you will find that your car troubles become exponentially more frequent AND more expensive. If you run your car into the ground because you failed to keep up with regular maintenance, then it’s going to take something a lot more expensive than an oil change to keep it running. You may need a completely new engine, transmission, or something else expensive that you wouldn’t otherwise have had to pay for a long, loooooong time.
So, do you see the two scenarios here? Do you see the analogy?
In a good marriage, open communication is the regular maintenance… If you keep up with it, then you will rarely have problems, and those problems you do have will be resolved quickly and easily.
Fail to keep up with that regular marital maintenance and it will take a lot more than simple communication to get things running again.
Does that makes sense? In other words…
Open Communication Works Wonders for Happy Marriages, Not Yours
If your marriage is on the rocks right now, and if you’re here reading this article then it most certainly is, then open communication is not going to be enough to fix your marriage. No matter how clearly you’re able to communicate with your wife, you will be unable to change the way she feels about you or the way she feels about staying in the relationship.
So the question is: If not open communication, what should you aim for instead?
Your goal is simple – You NEED to change the way your wife FEELS about you… You need to make her feel attracted to you, to want you, to crave being with you.
This is going to require a more dramatic change than open communication. You’re going to have to become the good husband that you used to be. He’s in there somewhere, we just have to find him and bring him out.
I know you still have some questions about getting your wife back, but don’t worry, that’s perfectly normal! If you’ve learned the lesson in this article, that’s more than good enough for starters.