We all make mistakes, and some are bigger than others. No one can deny the fact that cheating on a spouse or committed partner is a big one. So what do you do once the damage is done, and better yet, how do you deal with the problem and fix the situation, can it be fixed?
“WHY!” – The first thing to understand is that cheating often signifies that there is something wrong, or missing from your marriage/relationship. The goal before you apologize is to find out what that problem is, so once you and your partner move past the initial shock of your actions, you can decide how to best address the problem .
“Do you love him/her?” If you got caught cheating on your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend, they will be angry, and will most likely ask a lot of detailed questions. These are going to be hard to answer…but be honest. Don’t initially go into dramatic detail over your actions, but be honest about what you feel they need you to answer. If you shut down now and refuse to answer the questions then a wedge could grow as a result and could lead to further distrust from your partner, as well as an inability to communicate and truly fix the problem.
Communicate- There isn’t going to be any way you can put a band-aid on this situation. In order to fix it, you’re going to have to reprove your love, which means dealing with his/her lack of trust for you over a LONG period of time. Be willing to call him/her if you’re going to be late from a night out with the boys and if she asks you be in touch, DO be in touch. As well don’t give his/her reasons not to trust you. If you say that your going to be home by 11…then be home by 11. If they ask you to come home early … come home early.
Understand In situations like this emotions will run deep and strong. By your actions you’ve torn away a piece of his/her heart and that scar, like any other, can last for the rest of his/her life. That doesn’t mean you can’t salvage the relationship. Remember that normally cheating is a sign of something lacking, or wrong in the relationship…did you figure out why you cheated? Once emotions have died down…talk it out. Explain to him/her that there is no excuse for your actions and that cheating was a bad solution to a serious problem. Explain to him/her what aspects of the relationship you’re not happy with and see about counseling. Obviously anything you try might work.
Cut off communication- Obviously your partner isn’t the only one involved in this now that you’ve cheated. You’ve taken an outsider into it as well. The other individual. You need to contact the other person, under the supervision of your partner, and explain to the other person, that your actions were wrong. If you wish to work it out with your partner, you must cut off all ties to the other person.
Patience Don’t set a time limit for how long your partner is “allowed” to remain hurt or angry. By refusing to answer questions or acting like it’s time to move on before your partner is ready, is not a good plan. You started this process in motion so you must be prepared to deal with the mess your selfishness left behind. Remember, it takes a moment to breakdown trust and a lifetime to re-build it.